Things are still good with Daniel. Still haven't spoken the "L" word out loud yet. That word scares me, and well, shit just changes after it's spoken. I freaked people out on facebook by changing my last name, so they all think I married him...ha. How long have these people known me? They know I have a no-marriage philosophy. I just wanted privacy & didn't want to be found on facebook. The only way to ensure that without deleting my account is locking my profile up like Ft. Knox & changing my name to something no one knows or could figure out, so that that's what I did. I chose the stage name I wanted as I kid when I thought I was gonna be a star...haha. No marriage for me though...it's not even in my thoughts. The idea of it both makes me laugh and makes me nauseous at the same time.
However, even with things being good, I'm kind of bored. I want something more exciting, someone who can keep up with my lifestyle...both physically and financially. I don't know if I will ever find that, and I keep waiting for him to step up to the plate, but it hasn't happened yet. He's great, but he's gonna have to step up his game if he wants to keep me. Sounds shallow, but that's just how it is. I wanna take trips, I wanna canoe the Buffalo River, I wanna hike the Meriwether Lewis Loop Trail...he's not really interested in all that. Good thing I'm a fag hag! My favorite homos love me enough to appease my adventurous side. :)
School starts next week...5 days a week, 19 credit hours. Yipeeeeee! I lose all my free time, but I'm actually looking forward to getting started again. The faster I start, the faster I finish, and I'm soooo ready to get this bachelor's degree completed so I can move onto law school. My student loan debt is steadily mounting into a small fortune, and it's getting a bit nerve-racking, but it'll be worth it in the end. I have faith! I have to, otherwise I'll be sleeping in a cardboard box and selling copies of The Contributor on street corners.
I'm taking part in a comedy/talent charity event next month that I'm stoked about, and I'm getting the honor of designing the fliers for the occasion. Pretty exciting!
I've had a realization on the whole David situation, though, I won't really say how I fully came to this new realization, but let's just say that a friend planted something in my mind that piqued by senses, and I realize now that he wasn't the person I thought he was when we were together. I loved the time we shared and I wouldn't take it back, but I have to at least try to believe that it was all lies. "Set Fire to the Rain" by Adele is the perfect song for the situation...even with all the lies he told, I still wish he'd come back. Ah, damn the heart...the most fucked up, psychotic muscles in the body. But at least with my newfound perspective, the pain of that whole situation has eased even more. And time will continue to heal that brokenness until I can look back and smile at the good times without feeling an overwhelming sense of regret and pain.
Another thing I have changed is that I am on a modified all-natural diet. No more fast food, no more artificial ingredients, no more preservatives, no more high fructose corn syrup. Oh, and I've also given up beef & pork (which I did once before for 3 years - and that was the best I've ever felt in my entire life). I'm 6 days in, and the first 2 days were miserable. I had a wicked headache (what's that say about what's in the crap we're putting in our bodies?), but thankfully, it went away after day 2. Thus far, I feel better and seem to have more energy (and less money...Whole Foods is freakin' expensive dude). Gonna keep on rockin' & rollin' with this and see what happens...this is the one diet lifestyle I've never tried (because of its cost). So far, so good...oh, and free-range meat really does taste sooo much better than the crap you buy at the regular grocery stores! It's not a myth!
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